So plan A was a flop. I was supposed to go and give a First Aid training at SIS, Semarang on Saturday. Since it was a free flight, I planned to visit Jogjakarta & take pictures of the Borubudur & Prambanan Temples and tour the place too - anyways, it was just a 3-hour bus ride from Semarang already. Yesterday, I was informed that SMG didn;t have enough budget to let me fly there. What was I thinking - they didn't even had the budget to fly someone to Jakarta for the training itself, much more buy someone take a MDN-JKT-SMG-JKT-MDN ticket plus another JKT-SMG-JKT ticket for my assistant. Well, I could only hope :)
Anyways, since that was cancelled, I need to think of a Plan B of activities for this 11 days break. Yep, I know it sounds short but then, when you're here, 11 days' a drag when you're not working (or even if you were). I was thinking to start my so called "Project:29/65". Oh yes. Jogging for an hour in the morning and another in the afternoon - alone or with someone. . It's a good way to make use of my new rubber shoes too! lol! Oh well, at least it's a good start. Come Term 2, I might really get into walking/jogging in the afternoon. I have to really sacrifice even just 30 mins of my time after work for it so I can really achieve those numbers before December 18.
My daily routine would be: Jogging, prepare breakfast, read my book, prepare lunch, watch, jog, chat with Mir, eat dinner & watch again. At some days,I might be staying in Julie's place since she's alone in her house. At some, we'll go out and shop - grocery & maybe a new get up. I can get to visit the malls, look around and just walk :) I might even start my long delayed plan of printing our pictures and putting it in an album. I mught also try to make roti cane (chane) and perfect my kue bawang recipe.
Another reason why I need to get myself busy? I kind of observed that I put up a fight more often when I'm idle or bored. I don't want to look back in my love history that all arguments are started by me.
Project 29/65 it is.
So help me, God.
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
then it finally hit me...
Mir: nasira lang araw mo dahil sa nag email
Mir: wag ka macrushed
ss_pascual83: ok lang yung email
Mir: mahal kita sobra
ss_pascual83: i can deal with that stupidity right after i have sent the email
ss_pascual83: pero ikaw?
ss_pascual83: ewan ko
ss_pascual83: ikaw ang nilu-look forward ko araw araw
ss_pascual83: yet shutting me out with sleeping time is the best that you do
ss_pascual83: nakakapanghina
Mir: again
Mir: di kita shinushut out
ss_pascual83: right
Mir: ikaw lang ang nagiisip lagi ng ganyan
ss_pascual83: you just have to sleep
ss_pascual83: im not asking you to stay up as long as i do
Mir: ganito ako mag shushut out
Mir: ayoko na makipag usap
Mir: goodnight mahal
part of the hardships of having a call center boyfriend for me, is their schedule. Yes, I have mentioned in a previous blog how it affects me, much more, my bf is a sleep addict. yep, he can sleep anytime he wants or likes. He sleeps mostly during his rest days. Clearly I don't get it to tell you honestly. But then again, talk about different strokes for different folks. Sleep is actually a luxury in my profession. Im forced to sleep late to finish all my work - mostly due to my procrastination as well. I have to be in the mood to work before I can finish something - like now. I have to do my 3-day plan for next week, but the only thing I've managed to do is look at my year plan - and start out a template. I have ideas on mind, but still not in the mood to encode it. That's me. When I have things in mind that I can't get rid off, I can't really focus well. So here's where the blog comes in as my outlet.
The above conversation is the last part of our chat. Having have read it for a couple of times, I missed out something. He said "mahal kita" and I missed it. Me and my stupid eye. Have I stopped there, the chat would've been a bit longer, since i had like 6 more minutes before his bedtime. It's just weird coz I set my mind that I get to work first before we chat, but when I got home, i went straight to my bed, still with my backpack on, and dozed off unconsciously. I felt my phone vibrate (I was in a meeting before going home -thus the vibrate mode) and it was from him. I remembered it was his last day of rest and that he will sleep earlier today because he had 2 shifts this week, one from 10am-7pm, the other, 630 am - 230pm. Tomorrow is the start of his earlier shift. Darn. I woke up in the wrong side of the bed. When I got out, my mom told me the email was already sent - work related. The content pissed me. I had to tell Mir to give me time to reply to the stupid email. The email irritated me big time - one because of it's stupidity and two, I've just woke up. Worst combination. When I came back to the chat window, Mir told me to take my time as he will be turning in early anyways. Right. Then I snapped. I told him to just go ahead and sleep. He kept saying he's just there. I kept on telling him to just sleep. Then I signed out. After almost an hour, 30 mins prior his bedtime, I said goodnight, assuming he's getting ready to sleep. He said, he isn't asleep yet. Then there started the argument - and you've read how it ended. I was lashing out on him, I know. Bad me.
I found a reason to have a walk outside to clear my head - bought a pack of cigs and a bottle of Coke. I invited Julie to walk with me and our short talk helped me clear my head. Too late. I sent an SMS to Mir telling him I went out, then again when I came back home. Another when I told him I was about to turn to bed too (I did but my mind was really up - so i got up again) Tried to call him, but he's not picking up - both his phones. Im just thinking he's that asleep that's why he did not pick up (although that never happened ever before - I used to call him in the middle of the night/dawn when I had nightmares - he has always picked up).
My head is aching - I am sleepy, but I need to finish at least half of my plan before turning in. Damn, the more I read our conversation, the more I get angry at myself for having not seen what he said. This has been the second time he got angry with me. The first time was easily patched up, but this time, it really hit me - big time.
I dont know what will happen tomorrow. Im scared. Im so scared.
*calling again*
he answered!!!!! OMG!!!!!
he said he wasn't angry. He just showed me how he will shut me out IF he really wanted to shut me out.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Now, I can get back to work.
oh silly me.
hahahahha
Monday, 20 September 2010
Manic Monday!
first sms i got today : Sorry, I can't go to school today. I feel nauseus everytime I stand. - TrM
haaaayyyzzz .... alam ko naman kung ano ang dahilan. pweh.
buti na lang hindi sumabay ang TA nya sa pag aabsent.
walang working printer sa opisina!!! printing season namin at may deadlyn ako sa wed!!! pero cge, tapusin muna ang mga ipiprint.... teka, asan yung na-vet na comments ko?!?!??! wala sa bahay, wala sa table ko. wala sa pile of checked worksheets ko...
ayoko mag isip ng masama... hmmmmm
unending emails to send and reply to....
working hour disturbed by a meeting.
unpaid field trip fees
parents not reading the communication book
never ending revisions in the templates
forgot the beads to be used for my class.
work continued in the house.
i suddenly missed bf's pangungulit... for the first time actually, mas gusto kong kulitin nya ako kesa magtrabaho.
umuwi si bf after his more than an hour OT. masakit ang ulo.
okay na rin...
i was able to finish my work, plus i got to blog!
then I checked an app in FB,
it said:
What a good way to end my manic Monday!
haaaayyyzzz .... alam ko naman kung ano ang dahilan. pweh.
buti na lang hindi sumabay ang TA nya sa pag aabsent.
walang working printer sa opisina!!! printing season namin at may deadlyn ako sa wed!!! pero cge, tapusin muna ang mga ipiprint.... teka, asan yung na-vet na comments ko?!?!??! wala sa bahay, wala sa table ko. wala sa pile of checked worksheets ko...
ayoko mag isip ng masama... hmmmmm
unending emails to send and reply to....
working hour disturbed by a meeting.
unpaid field trip fees
parents not reading the communication book
never ending revisions in the templates
forgot the beads to be used for my class.
work continued in the house.
i suddenly missed bf's pangungulit... for the first time actually, mas gusto kong kulitin nya ako kesa magtrabaho.
umuwi si bf after his more than an hour OT. masakit ang ulo.
okay na rin...
i was able to finish my work, plus i got to blog!
then I checked an app in FB,
it said:
Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way.
What a good way to end my manic Monday!
Saturday, 18 September 2010
2 day affair...
Friday was a bit intense for me. Tension was running high and my mom even felt it. She convinced me NOT to continue to talk with my subordinates regarding their unsatisfactory work because of the tension she felt. She thought that it'd be better to have a third ear when I sit with my subordinates - just to be safer. I managed to ignore and not look at the people who gave me the reason to rant out the other night. Until we had our weekly meeting.
Si taba ang presider. Ako ang minute taker. Minadali nyang pag usapan ang mga agenda na inihanda nya. I commented on one of her plans and pointing out the downside of her plan. My idea won over hers - even she saw her fault - and when asked, she couldn't think of any way to solve it - until I suggested something. After that - awkward silence. I had to move on with my AOB. I managed not to look at them still - until taba yawned quite loudly, I looked at her and waited for her to close her mouth. She wasnt even looking at me. I went on to read something on my paper and just when I was about to raise my head up again, I saw the friend signing something and finished it quickly before I turned my eyes back on the meeting.
I told my mom about it, and she said, what taba did was rude, but MAYBE, the friend's signing was telling taba off with what she did earlier. Better think of it that way rather than thinking bad about the whole thing. Isip ko na lang, ang karma, express na, hindi na yan snail mail delivery...magulat ka na lang, anjan na sya.
kanina, natuloy ang training session ko. okay naman. i prepared myself for everything that may happen para at least hindi ako mairita. I motivated myself not to get annoyed when :
1.people text/receive a call (even when I repeatedly asked them to switch their handphones on silent - no vibrate)
2. they yawn, and eventually close their eyes till their head falls off.
3. information wont get into their brain
4. they won't co-operate
5. people will come an hour or more late.
Luckily, only #1 & 5 happened. I couldn't care less. I did my part, to the best of my ability, and the rest are just things I don't have any control of.
Yung sinabihan ni taba na mag ingat ngayon, well, okay lang sya. Okay naman talaga sya to start with. I don't have anything against her. Hindi ako nagagalit sa mga taong pilit iniimpluwensyahan. Ang paniniwala ko naman kasi, ang mga taong nagpapaimpluwensya ay walang sariling utak. Clearly, hindi ganun yung taong ito.
Nung nagba-browse ako sa fb kanina, di ko alam kung dumating na ang karma o ang current state lang nila (taba and friend) ang nagtutulak sa kanila to hate happy people. The status said:
...im so tired but i cant sleep...standing on the edge of something much too deep...its funny how we feel so much but we can not say a word..though we are screaming inside...we can't be heard...
Oh do I pity them..... naaaahhhh
Minsan talaga, kailangan i-entertain kahit saglit ang inner emotions no matter how sad you may feel. Recognise the feeling but never dwell on it. Mahirap kasi if you keep on covering up and pretending to be happy and on top of things when obviously you can't even get your head on top of yourself where it's supposed to be. Yan ang root ng kung anu anong bad thoughts. They probably hate my happy disposition. How I am so fine even if my family and my significant other is so far away. True, im lucky to have my mom working with me, but hey, I didn't intend her to be here. It's just that we happen to be in the field, in the same company, which provides the same house for us. Di namin kasalanan yun.
I also stumbled upon pictures of get togethers in one house. They cook together, eat together, enjoy each other's company and sometimes sleep under the same roof. Di ba masaya yun?
Eh bakit ang stat nung isa eh ganun pa rin?!?!?
mahirap magkunwari. mahirap makisunod na lang. mahirap lokohin ang sarili.
But hey, what do I care? Napansin ko lang naman. I don't really care.
I don't want to care.
Si taba ang presider. Ako ang minute taker. Minadali nyang pag usapan ang mga agenda na inihanda nya. I commented on one of her plans and pointing out the downside of her plan. My idea won over hers - even she saw her fault - and when asked, she couldn't think of any way to solve it - until I suggested something. After that - awkward silence. I had to move on with my AOB. I managed not to look at them still - until taba yawned quite loudly, I looked at her and waited for her to close her mouth. She wasnt even looking at me. I went on to read something on my paper and just when I was about to raise my head up again, I saw the friend signing something and finished it quickly before I turned my eyes back on the meeting.
I told my mom about it, and she said, what taba did was rude, but MAYBE, the friend's signing was telling taba off with what she did earlier. Better think of it that way rather than thinking bad about the whole thing. Isip ko na lang, ang karma, express na, hindi na yan snail mail delivery...magulat ka na lang, anjan na sya.
kanina, natuloy ang training session ko. okay naman. i prepared myself for everything that may happen para at least hindi ako mairita. I motivated myself not to get annoyed when :
1.people text/receive a call (even when I repeatedly asked them to switch their handphones on silent - no vibrate)
2. they yawn, and eventually close their eyes till their head falls off.
3. information wont get into their brain
4. they won't co-operate
5. people will come an hour or more late.
Luckily, only #1 & 5 happened. I couldn't care less. I did my part, to the best of my ability, and the rest are just things I don't have any control of.
Yung sinabihan ni taba na mag ingat ngayon, well, okay lang sya. Okay naman talaga sya to start with. I don't have anything against her. Hindi ako nagagalit sa mga taong pilit iniimpluwensyahan. Ang paniniwala ko naman kasi, ang mga taong nagpapaimpluwensya ay walang sariling utak. Clearly, hindi ganun yung taong ito.
Nung nagba-browse ako sa fb kanina, di ko alam kung dumating na ang karma o ang current state lang nila (taba and friend) ang nagtutulak sa kanila to hate happy people. The status said:
...im so tired but i cant sleep...standing on the edge of something much too deep...its funny how we feel so much but we can not say a word..though we are screaming inside...we can't be heard...
Oh do I pity them..... naaaahhhh
Minsan talaga, kailangan i-entertain kahit saglit ang inner emotions no matter how sad you may feel. Recognise the feeling but never dwell on it. Mahirap kasi if you keep on covering up and pretending to be happy and on top of things when obviously you can't even get your head on top of yourself where it's supposed to be. Yan ang root ng kung anu anong bad thoughts. They probably hate my happy disposition. How I am so fine even if my family and my significant other is so far away. True, im lucky to have my mom working with me, but hey, I didn't intend her to be here. It's just that we happen to be in the field, in the same company, which provides the same house for us. Di namin kasalanan yun.
I also stumbled upon pictures of get togethers in one house. They cook together, eat together, enjoy each other's company and sometimes sleep under the same roof. Di ba masaya yun?
Eh bakit ang stat nung isa eh ganun pa rin?!?!?
mahirap magkunwari. mahirap makisunod na lang. mahirap lokohin ang sarili.
But hey, what do I care? Napansin ko lang naman. I don't really care.
I don't want to care.
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Just ranting....
Mahirap maging boss lalo na kung mas matatanda ang under sa'yo. Yan ang naging problema ko nung ibinigay sa akin ang pagiging Events Coordinator. Lahat may say ako, from planning, to execution, documentations and evaluations. Walang hindi dadaan sa kamay ko at walang mangyayari hangga't hindi ko ina-approve. Marami akong nakaaway. Marami ang nagalit sa akin. Marami ang nairita. Mahirap nga namang sumunod sa isang tao kung alam mong mas matanda ka sa nag uutos sa yo. Pero in the long run, nakita naman nila na ang pagiging mabusisi ko ang nakakatulong para maging maayos lahat ng events. Hinarap ko lahat ng pinatrabaho sa akin - wala akong inurungan. Matapos ang 2 taon, ipinaubaya ko na ang trabaho sa iba - hindi ako kayang bayaran eh. ahehehhehehe.
Ngayon, mas naging boss na naman ako - pero sa ibang aspeto naman sa trabaho. Ako na ang may hawak ng isang departamento. As always, mas matatanda sa akin ang mga subordinates ko. Malamang sa isip ng iba, nakuha ko lang ang posisyon dahil ako ang pinakamatagal sa departamento. Pwede. Malamang may nag isip rin na kaya sa akin napunta ang posisyon ay dahil ako ang dating assistant. Pwede rin yun. Pero naitanong ko kung bakit ako eh. Ako lang kasi ang may titulo na angkop sa posisyon na yan. At yan ang hindi nakikita ng marami. Kebs ko na lang.
Maangas ako sa trabaho. Hindi nga makapaniwala ang syota ko na ganun ako sa trabaho. Sabi ko, hindi pa nya nakikilala ang "ako" pag trabaho na ang pinag-uusapan. Noon, aminado ako na kulang pa ang maturity level ko pagdating sa trabaho. Pangatlong taon ko pa lang sa field ko nung nangibang bansa ako. Nene pa kung ililinya ako sa mga katrabaho ko noong panahon na yun. Lumabas rin ang komentaryong yan sa mga evaluations sa akin ng mga boss ko noon - kesyo madali akong maimpluwensyahan, pinipersonal ko ang mga taong humahadlang o sumisita sa akin, mabilis akong magbitaw ng salita at kadalasan, pangit ang nasasabi ko. HIndi raw ako marunong magsabi ng negative na bagay sa maayos na paraan. Masyado akong emosyonal sa mga bagay bagay to the point na hindi ako marunong sumunod sa mga kinauukulan. Oo. Ako yan, NOON.
Masasabi ko naman na naging mas maayos na ako paglipas ng mga taon. Ang tanging hindi ko pa rin mabago eh ang magtaray sa mga tangang tanong o tao - pero mas maayos ko nang nasasabi at nasasagot ang mga tanong na ganito sa mga taong ganun.
Sa posisyon ko ngayon, mas hirap ako siguro. Hindi dahil sa trabahong kalakip ng posisyon kundi sa mga taong hawak ko. Maliit lang ang departamento ko - hindi dahil sa maliit ang mga nakasalalay sa amin kundi dahil 8 lang ang hawak ko, at kalahati pa dun ay wala naman talagang ganun ka-major na kinalaman sa amin. May isang nag request na mapasama sa dept ko dahil daw mas ekspiriyensado sya sa aming level - eh ni gumawa ng simpleng plano hindi alam eh. Ni simpleng kanta o tamang sequence ng pagtuturo eh walang alam. Kampay naman! Yung isa naman, bagong salta. Nagturo sa mga pipi ng 6 na taon. Pucha, wala naman pipi sa mga bata namin noh. Kesyo psych daw kasi ang tinapos. Eh nak ng teteng naman oh, eh ako nga nakuha ko yun sa isang subj lang, sya, 4 na taon ang kinailangan nya para makatapos - iba yun eh. Sana nag guidance counselor na lang sya. Yung huli naman, nakasama ko na ng isang taon dito. Kaibigan nya yung bagong salta - pareho silang nag turo sa mga pipi. Pakibasa na lang yung mga hirit ko tungkol sa bagong salta - pareho lang nman ang ihihirit ko. Ay teka, maidagdag ko lang, yung huli eh nakuha lang naman dahil desperado na kami na makakuha ng papalit sa tumakas naming kasamahan. Siguro kung nakatapos ng Engineering yun, baka nakuha pa rin. Ganun kami ka-desperado noon. Get the picture?
Alam ko kilala na ako nung huling taong yun. Kilala nya kung pano ako maging rebelde at maging pasaway, sumagot ng maangas at ipagpilitan ang ideya ko. Personally, hindi nya ako kilala - at yan ang difference nila ng dati naming boss, na family friend nya (oo maysa nepotismo dito). Si ex-boss, kilala ako from the start. Nakita nya akong lumago at magbago dito - personally at professionally, kaya mas gets ako nun. Eh kung naman kasi hindi mo ko kilala personally, you might find me offensive. Pero less na ngayon noh. Maangas lang talaga ako.
Minsan, may mga tao tayo na kahit wala namang ginagawa sa atin, mainit lang ang dugo natin sa kanila, for no reasons at all. malamang ganun sya sa akin. Nakakapagtaka lang, hindi naman sya ilag sa akin noon. Ngayon, mega -ilag sya at nang iimpluwensya pa sa iba. Naalala ko nga nung pagbalik namin dito galing bakasyon, ang hirit nya sa akin nung papakilala nya ang kaibigan nyang bagong salta - "eto nga pala yung bago mong pahihirapan" - Meh ganun?!?!??!
Kanina may sa tanga naman akong nakibasa ng thread ng may thread mula sa isang interesanteng FB stat. Stat ni bagong salta. Sa thread, inaaya ang isa naming kasamahan sa Sabado na lumabas, sabi nung isang kasamahan, hindi sya pwede sa sabado. Sagot ni huling ander sa akin, and may i quote " oh ohnga...ingat ka...bwwwaaaaahhhaaaa =))"
Eh pucha, ako ang magbibigay ng training sa Sabado kaya hindi makakasama ang kasamahan na yun sa kanila. Ingat sya?!?!?!? bakeeett?!?!!? Anong meron?!?!??! Kung bakit ko naman kasi binasa pa eh. Nautusan lang naman ako na magbigay ng training. Nagkataon lang na ako lang ang pumasa sa exam (from the ones who were sent to undergo the certification training) at ang tanging lisensyadong First Aider sa buong eskwelahan. Bite me!
Oh well, sabi ko na nga lang sa sarili ko, "many people strives to have a higher position - not knowing that it can be lonely up there" Narinig ko yan sa nanay ko noon. Mataas ang posisyon nya at walang gustong makihalubilo sa kanya dahil sa posisyon nya. Siguro ganun din ako ngayon. Dapat matutunan ko yun kahit mahirap. Pero kasi hindi ko naman hiniling ang posisyon. Hindi ko naman hinangad ang posisyon. Ibinigay po ito sa akin. Kasalanan ko bang maging magaling, karapat-dapat at maganda all at the same time?!!??!
Anu pa man ang sabihin nila (imaginin nyo ko na may yosi sa kamay at naka taas ang isang kilay) AKO PA RIN ANG BOSS MO, SA AYAW MO AT SA GUSTO" (sabay buga ng usok)
Natuwa naman ako sa isang FB stat na nabasa ko bago ko i-hit ang publish post button :
"Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are."
- Tamaaa!!!!corrected by! check! Like!
o sya. shut up na ulit ako.
Ngayon, mas naging boss na naman ako - pero sa ibang aspeto naman sa trabaho. Ako na ang may hawak ng isang departamento. As always, mas matatanda sa akin ang mga subordinates ko. Malamang sa isip ng iba, nakuha ko lang ang posisyon dahil ako ang pinakamatagal sa departamento. Pwede. Malamang may nag isip rin na kaya sa akin napunta ang posisyon ay dahil ako ang dating assistant. Pwede rin yun. Pero naitanong ko kung bakit ako eh. Ako lang kasi ang may titulo na angkop sa posisyon na yan. At yan ang hindi nakikita ng marami. Kebs ko na lang.
Maangas ako sa trabaho. Hindi nga makapaniwala ang syota ko na ganun ako sa trabaho. Sabi ko, hindi pa nya nakikilala ang "ako" pag trabaho na ang pinag-uusapan. Noon, aminado ako na kulang pa ang maturity level ko pagdating sa trabaho. Pangatlong taon ko pa lang sa field ko nung nangibang bansa ako. Nene pa kung ililinya ako sa mga katrabaho ko noong panahon na yun. Lumabas rin ang komentaryong yan sa mga evaluations sa akin ng mga boss ko noon - kesyo madali akong maimpluwensyahan, pinipersonal ko ang mga taong humahadlang o sumisita sa akin, mabilis akong magbitaw ng salita at kadalasan, pangit ang nasasabi ko. HIndi raw ako marunong magsabi ng negative na bagay sa maayos na paraan. Masyado akong emosyonal sa mga bagay bagay to the point na hindi ako marunong sumunod sa mga kinauukulan. Oo. Ako yan, NOON.
Masasabi ko naman na naging mas maayos na ako paglipas ng mga taon. Ang tanging hindi ko pa rin mabago eh ang magtaray sa mga tangang tanong o tao - pero mas maayos ko nang nasasabi at nasasagot ang mga tanong na ganito sa mga taong ganun.
Sa posisyon ko ngayon, mas hirap ako siguro. Hindi dahil sa trabahong kalakip ng posisyon kundi sa mga taong hawak ko. Maliit lang ang departamento ko - hindi dahil sa maliit ang mga nakasalalay sa amin kundi dahil 8 lang ang hawak ko, at kalahati pa dun ay wala naman talagang ganun ka-major na kinalaman sa amin. May isang nag request na mapasama sa dept ko dahil daw mas ekspiriyensado sya sa aming level - eh ni gumawa ng simpleng plano hindi alam eh. Ni simpleng kanta o tamang sequence ng pagtuturo eh walang alam. Kampay naman! Yung isa naman, bagong salta. Nagturo sa mga pipi ng 6 na taon. Pucha, wala naman pipi sa mga bata namin noh. Kesyo psych daw kasi ang tinapos. Eh nak ng teteng naman oh, eh ako nga nakuha ko yun sa isang subj lang, sya, 4 na taon ang kinailangan nya para makatapos - iba yun eh. Sana nag guidance counselor na lang sya. Yung huli naman, nakasama ko na ng isang taon dito. Kaibigan nya yung bagong salta - pareho silang nag turo sa mga pipi. Pakibasa na lang yung mga hirit ko tungkol sa bagong salta - pareho lang nman ang ihihirit ko. Ay teka, maidagdag ko lang, yung huli eh nakuha lang naman dahil desperado na kami na makakuha ng papalit sa tumakas naming kasamahan. Siguro kung nakatapos ng Engineering yun, baka nakuha pa rin. Ganun kami ka-desperado noon. Get the picture?
Alam ko kilala na ako nung huling taong yun. Kilala nya kung pano ako maging rebelde at maging pasaway, sumagot ng maangas at ipagpilitan ang ideya ko. Personally, hindi nya ako kilala - at yan ang difference nila ng dati naming boss, na family friend nya (oo maysa nepotismo dito). Si ex-boss, kilala ako from the start. Nakita nya akong lumago at magbago dito - personally at professionally, kaya mas gets ako nun. Eh kung naman kasi hindi mo ko kilala personally, you might find me offensive. Pero less na ngayon noh. Maangas lang talaga ako.
Minsan, may mga tao tayo na kahit wala namang ginagawa sa atin, mainit lang ang dugo natin sa kanila, for no reasons at all. malamang ganun sya sa akin. Nakakapagtaka lang, hindi naman sya ilag sa akin noon. Ngayon, mega -ilag sya at nang iimpluwensya pa sa iba. Naalala ko nga nung pagbalik namin dito galing bakasyon, ang hirit nya sa akin nung papakilala nya ang kaibigan nyang bagong salta - "eto nga pala yung bago mong pahihirapan" - Meh ganun?!?!??!
Kanina may sa tanga naman akong nakibasa ng thread ng may thread mula sa isang interesanteng FB stat. Stat ni bagong salta. Sa thread, inaaya ang isa naming kasamahan sa Sabado na lumabas, sabi nung isang kasamahan, hindi sya pwede sa sabado. Sagot ni huling ander sa akin, and may i quote " oh ohnga...ingat ka...bwwwaaaaahhhaaaa =))"
Eh pucha, ako ang magbibigay ng training sa Sabado kaya hindi makakasama ang kasamahan na yun sa kanila. Ingat sya?!?!?!? bakeeett?!?!!? Anong meron?!?!??! Kung bakit ko naman kasi binasa pa eh. Nautusan lang naman ako na magbigay ng training. Nagkataon lang na ako lang ang pumasa sa exam (from the ones who were sent to undergo the certification training) at ang tanging lisensyadong First Aider sa buong eskwelahan. Bite me!
Oh well, sabi ko na nga lang sa sarili ko, "many people strives to have a higher position - not knowing that it can be lonely up there" Narinig ko yan sa nanay ko noon. Mataas ang posisyon nya at walang gustong makihalubilo sa kanya dahil sa posisyon nya. Siguro ganun din ako ngayon. Dapat matutunan ko yun kahit mahirap. Pero kasi hindi ko naman hiniling ang posisyon. Hindi ko naman hinangad ang posisyon. Ibinigay po ito sa akin. Kasalanan ko bang maging magaling, karapat-dapat at maganda all at the same time?!!??!
Anu pa man ang sabihin nila (imaginin nyo ko na may yosi sa kamay at naka taas ang isang kilay) AKO PA RIN ANG BOSS MO, SA AYAW MO AT SA GUSTO" (sabay buga ng usok)
Natuwa naman ako sa isang FB stat na nabasa ko bago ko i-hit ang publish post button :
"Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are."
- Tamaaa!!!!corrected by! check! Like!
o sya. shut up na ulit ako.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Where have the holidays gone?!?!
Goodness! 6 days have passed just like that?!?!?! My holiday was not spent as productive as I pictured in my head. I was planning to go out and swim, make kue bawang, cook spaghetti, rest & sleep longer, come up with a photo op, iron clothes, clean up my room, make worksheets in advance and start filling out the assessment profile of my kids. I was only able to do 3 things-barely 4 (i did have a photo op - hari raya visit & in the church; but it was not as what I had in mind). I was able to make the kue, cook spaghetti, and sleep. I know I deserved to lay low at work - I deserved it anyways, but I still wanted to be productive during the break to avoid cramming by today. My severe procrastination of work ate most of the time I provided for my daily chat with my man. Darn me!
I could say that my most productive day was last Friday (Hari Raya) and today. Last Friday, the teachers and I attended the Idul Fitri lunch hosted by the Malaysian Embassy (the son of the Ambassadress was our pupil in my department) and Mrs. Narriman's annual Idul Fitri treat in her house. I was able to take photos then. Here's a sample:
and here's the link to the rest: Idul Fitri Happenings
---------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday afternoon, Julie and I went for a walk around the car-less streets near our block and agreed to jog early the next day. We actually did. Yes! I woke up at a little past 6, brisk walked at BHR then went to the market with Julie & Mama. I had my typical after-market-breakfast bought from my "suking manang" outside the traditional market. I told myself I had to start working early so I need not do anything when bf comes home from work. I started with my field trip proposal, sent the email afterwards for approval. Then I plotted out my lesson plan. After reading through the topics for this week and the next, ideas came to mind, however, i couldn't seem to make my hands encode in my laptop. Lunch time came, I still haven't moved on, I wooed my mom to watch a movie - we did. The movie finished and my man's home. Julie came by the house to payback my mom for the money she borrowed earlier this morning in the market (we just convinced her to tag along in the market) and chatted for a bit. I sat in front of my laptop, staring both at the cam of Mir and my lesson notes. Still nothing. I saw dirt under the table, swept it; saw the kitchen floor dirty, mopped it; saw dishes from lunch, washed them. Julie went home, and I was back to my laptop. Suddenly, I remembered that I forgot to submit my comments for my 2 classes on their projects. I promised to send it last Saturday. I excused myself from Mir & focused well in making the comments. I was able to finish 2 classes in no time! I was smiling. Just then, I scanned the tabs open in my task bar, darn it - my lesson notes..
Well, I was able to finish all before 10pm. Oh yes! I guess my brain is meant (or was forcibly trained) to work better when pressed for time. Don't get me wrong, the quality of my work is still good and acceptable even when cramming. Then now, as I look back and try to figure what happened to all my plans for the holiday, I'm not disappointed anymore. Not that procrastinating nor cramming is always good, but sometimes, when you've worked your ass off in the past, you definitely deserve to be lazy whenever given a chance.
Monday, 13 September 2010
oh my mama!
One of the things we always check on each other is our family. He lives with his 2 sisters and his parents. Most often, he wouldn't know anything about what's happening there in his house. It's not that he doesn't care, but it's just his thing. Unless he is told, he wouldn't know.
As for me, I live and work with my mom. She has played both roles well for me - a colleague at work and a mom at home. Because we're always together, there are times we don't have anything to talk about (because she already knows what had happened during my day) and there are times, just like any other families - we clash.
I remember an incident happened just last June break, we were in the Philippines. She was asking me for something and I answered her just as usual (more like a reply to a friend - yet still polite) then she just said "minsan kung sumagot ka, parang pinagmumukha mo akong tanga eh. parang ginagago mo ko" I was dumbfounded. I didn't go home for days - I was scared meeting her again. I reflected during those times I wasn't home - I then realized that maybe sometimes, out of too much familiarity with each other as colleagues, I forget that she is still my mom. I had to watch out more of my language.
Since she got here a year after I did, she has always depended on me when we go anywhere. I think I am partly to be blamed that she was not able to fully learnt the language because I was always there for her - doing all the translations, talking, haggling and stuff. The language barrier hindered her from getting out of the house or do her own things outside the house. I had to always tag along with her. I would be a hypocrite if I'd say I don't mind going with her always. There are times it's okay - like going to the market or going shopping or going for a spa, but there are also times I wish I didn't have to go.
Another thing that she's dependent on me is going around the city - even just around our subdivision. She relied solely on me with this. At times, she admits that she intentionally doesn't pay much attention to directions because she could easily drag me to places. I let this happen because somewhere at the back of my mind, I really don't want her to go by herself in this strange city with her poor local language skills, because when people can't understand her, she talks to them in Tagalog... hehehehhe.
Don't get me wrong. I love my mom, but this morning, we clashed again - twice. She woke me up and asked me if I will be going with her in her meeting with her dept. I got up, sat at the dining table and ate my breakfast - 40 mins before her meeting. She mentioned something about her thoughts on the picture she saw in fb. Her remark was kinda off and I told her in a nice way to just mind her own business and not give meaning to what she saw in the picture - one. When I was about to finish preparing to go, I was starting to think of what to do when she will be having her meeting. I wasn't invited but I knew it was okay if I tagged along. I was a bit hesitant to go already. Just when I was setting up my laptop before I leave, it acted weirdly. It kind of upset me actually - and seeing her waiting pressured me to move faster. It was past the time of her meeting. Then I told her of my hesitation. I told her to sms me when the meeting is over so I can pick her up and go to the mall to accompany her to buy some school stuff. She suddenly raised her voice, obviously irritated - asking how to go to the meeting place (it was just 2 blocks away from our house) I asked if she can remember the 2 alleys we always take for a short cut where there will be a street by the end of the 2nd alley, she just had to go straight that street, turn left and the house will be there. She can't figure it out. She said she'll just ride a trike. I then offered to walk her to the place. She suddenly turned her back on me and immediately went out of the house. I shouted the address to her, because I knew she doesn't know the exact house number, and without that, she can't clearly say where she wanted to go.
After more than 2 hours, I received her sms. I went to where she was and when I got there, the meeting had to extend. So I sat in the TV room and watched the movie, ate a bit, talked a bit with people there. She came up to me and talked to me as if nothing happened. When we do that, it's one way of saying that we're okay already. Still I wasn't talking as much. Not that I'm angry or what, just as usual, I just didn't have anything to say.
Then now just before we headed off to our own rooms, she asked - what time are we going to the market tomorrow? I answered politely - around 7 or 8.
oh well, I can't turn her down - it's my duty as a house mate to go to the market - and my duty as a daughter to be with her. After all, I am the only family she has here, and lucky enough, compared to my siblings, I get to be smothered more than they are and much even more luckier that I still have a mom.
As for me, I live and work with my mom. She has played both roles well for me - a colleague at work and a mom at home. Because we're always together, there are times we don't have anything to talk about (because she already knows what had happened during my day) and there are times, just like any other families - we clash.
I remember an incident happened just last June break, we were in the Philippines. She was asking me for something and I answered her just as usual (more like a reply to a friend - yet still polite) then she just said "minsan kung sumagot ka, parang pinagmumukha mo akong tanga eh. parang ginagago mo ko" I was dumbfounded. I didn't go home for days - I was scared meeting her again. I reflected during those times I wasn't home - I then realized that maybe sometimes, out of too much familiarity with each other as colleagues, I forget that she is still my mom. I had to watch out more of my language.
Since she got here a year after I did, she has always depended on me when we go anywhere. I think I am partly to be blamed that she was not able to fully learnt the language because I was always there for her - doing all the translations, talking, haggling and stuff. The language barrier hindered her from getting out of the house or do her own things outside the house. I had to always tag along with her. I would be a hypocrite if I'd say I don't mind going with her always. There are times it's okay - like going to the market or going shopping or going for a spa, but there are also times I wish I didn't have to go.
Another thing that she's dependent on me is going around the city - even just around our subdivision. She relied solely on me with this. At times, she admits that she intentionally doesn't pay much attention to directions because she could easily drag me to places. I let this happen because somewhere at the back of my mind, I really don't want her to go by herself in this strange city with her poor local language skills, because when people can't understand her, she talks to them in Tagalog... hehehehhe.
Don't get me wrong. I love my mom, but this morning, we clashed again - twice. She woke me up and asked me if I will be going with her in her meeting with her dept. I got up, sat at the dining table and ate my breakfast - 40 mins before her meeting. She mentioned something about her thoughts on the picture she saw in fb. Her remark was kinda off and I told her in a nice way to just mind her own business and not give meaning to what she saw in the picture - one. When I was about to finish preparing to go, I was starting to think of what to do when she will be having her meeting. I wasn't invited but I knew it was okay if I tagged along. I was a bit hesitant to go already. Just when I was setting up my laptop before I leave, it acted weirdly. It kind of upset me actually - and seeing her waiting pressured me to move faster. It was past the time of her meeting. Then I told her of my hesitation. I told her to sms me when the meeting is over so I can pick her up and go to the mall to accompany her to buy some school stuff. She suddenly raised her voice, obviously irritated - asking how to go to the meeting place (it was just 2 blocks away from our house) I asked if she can remember the 2 alleys we always take for a short cut where there will be a street by the end of the 2nd alley, she just had to go straight that street, turn left and the house will be there. She can't figure it out. She said she'll just ride a trike. I then offered to walk her to the place. She suddenly turned her back on me and immediately went out of the house. I shouted the address to her, because I knew she doesn't know the exact house number, and without that, she can't clearly say where she wanted to go.
After more than 2 hours, I received her sms. I went to where she was and when I got there, the meeting had to extend. So I sat in the TV room and watched the movie, ate a bit, talked a bit with people there. She came up to me and talked to me as if nothing happened. When we do that, it's one way of saying that we're okay already. Still I wasn't talking as much. Not that I'm angry or what, just as usual, I just didn't have anything to say.
Then now just before we headed off to our own rooms, she asked - what time are we going to the market tomorrow? I answered politely - around 7 or 8.
oh well, I can't turn her down - it's my duty as a house mate to go to the market - and my duty as a daughter to be with her. After all, I am the only family she has here, and lucky enough, compared to my siblings, I get to be smothered more than they are and much even more luckier that I still have a mom.
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Temporary Schedules
First thing I hated about call centers was their ever changing schedules! Okay, some call centers have definite work schedules but most often, their work schedules change every so often. In my case, it was almost every month.
Big deal? Not for the agents of course, they knew exactly what they were into - it's part of the job. But how about the people in the lives of these agents? I was really caught unprepared for this.
I live abroad. I am an hour behind Philippine time. I work from 7.30-4pm during weekdays, half - day on occasional Saturdays that we had to report for work. I have been working for 7 years now. That has been my working life - which is not that different from the schedule during the time I went to school, from elementary to college. I think you get the picture. It's the typical working hours if I may say so. I have lived almost my entire life with that schedule. Then came my agent bf.
Just when I get the hang of his 6am to 2pm shift, he was given a 10am - 6pm shift, then changed to 1pm to 9pm sched. We were able to line our chat times with his work sched just fine. Then he was given 11pm to 7am shift, changed to 12mn - 8am, 2am to 10am, 10 pm to 6am. Sometimes, his schedule changes almost bi-monthly. With the rapid change of his schedule, I looked forward to his rest days for us to really chat. But then, I was wrong again. With the change of shift sched, his rest days changed as well. We could not establish a routine time or day for us to really talk. During my waking hours, he's asleep, when he's awake, he's at work while I try to extend my bed time for as long as my eyes can stay open. Rest days are spent to adjust his body clock for a new shift at work. Honestly, I couldn't believe I was able to last those changes. My whole world then was in chaos - I had no routine.
Looking back, I could say I have gotten used to not having to get used to a schedule. At first, I used to throw dramatic tantrums when I ask for time (he usually sleeps during his free time) from him. When he's working and I'm back in the Phils, I slowly accepted the fact that I can never win against him from sleeping. With all these new things I had to go through, he taught me a lesson. It 's not actually new to me but it was only with him that I fully understood what it really meant.
He has taught be to be thankful for the times we get the chance to talk, whether how short it maybe. Look at the quality, not the quantity. Yes, we are online 24/7 but because of work and other things, we can't really chat. I would always be sad when he would say he'll be sleeping already (after a few minutes of chat - yet being online the whole day) but he'd ask me why I get sad if we both had a good chat? I would say that our chat was really short, to think we were online the whole day, then he'd say - why let that sad thought ruin the happiness we both feel because we talked? Often, I wouldn't know what to reply - coz I knew he was right.
I'd be angry at times when we don't really get to talk anymore because he sleeps a lot - but then again, I would tell myself, no matter how crazy his shift maybe, he had always spared me a bit of his time, everyday. Better that than none at all...
Me and blogging...
Oh yes, I'm back to blogging!
I have been writing blogs for almost 2 years now but eventually stopped for 3 main reasons (let's not get into the sub-reasons) :
1. time (oh yes... I know, it's a classic)
2. slow internet connection ( the 2 sites i got takes eons to load, for some reasons I don't understand)
3. I have (again) found someone to listen to my thoughts.
But why go back to blogging? Check out the title of my site "Life of a Call Center Agent's Girlfriend". For the longest time, I have been wanting to write about my life having an agent for a bf. What's so special about it? Well nothing really that significant that maybe taken as life-saving or mind-opening thing, but my realizations in the past year having him as my significant other, I guess, is something worth reading. Whether seriously or leisurely, that I leave it up for you to decide. I would of course not write only about what's going on between us, but of course my life here as an expat - and things I don't get to be able to tell bf because we don't really have the luxury of time to really talk because of our schedules.
I also came back to writing blogs because there have been a lot of things in my mind lately that I wanted to get rid off in my brain but want to stock it out somewhere. Why not keep a written journal instead? Well most of the time, I am in front of my laptop so I guess it'll be easier here than jotting everything down on paper.
Most importantly, blogging for me, is not only being able to express myself, but also serves as an entertainment for me when I get to read back what I've posted.
Yes! I'm definitely back!
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